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November 14, 2008
Tragic or Magic
Dear Larry,
I’ve been watching a lot of late night MSNBC and have seen
several “miraculous” computer software advertisements. Specifically, one for
Finallyfast.com, which makes your computer quick-as-a-whip by getting rid of
nasty programs and junk files. And another for magicJack, a plug-and-play
product that allows you to make long distance phone calls over the Internet for
a flat rate of $20 per year. Can you tell me if these products are the real
thing or simply snake oil in disguise? Thanks.
S. R.
Dear S. R.,
Gee, did you intend to divulge your political affiliation? I
suppose by the time you read this, you’ll either be moved to tears of joy or
moving to Canada.
Forget I said that…this is not a political column. Let’s just
get to your question.
Finallyfast.com. Open with smarmy guy at computer exclaiming,
“My new computer started out fast…but now it’s only kind of fast.”
The over-anxious announcer voices over with, “…If your brand
new computer isn’t as fast as it oughta be, you may not have any real problem at
all!” Then you catch a glimpse of the fine print that appears in a subliminal
quarter of a second: “Paid activation required to remove detected PC issues.
Your results may vary…Finallyfast.com is for PC [i.e., Windows-based] Computers
only.”
Windows-based computers only, huh? That’s funny. Smarmy guy
was using an iMac, and somebody else a Macbook. That should give you a clue as
to the reliability and usefulness of this piece of spit. Clean up junk files?
Let it clean up itself! This one ranks an F for eFFectiveness, but an A when it
comes to scamming its Audience!
“Introducing magicJack. The breakthrough device that makes
your monthly phone bill disappear! …You’ll be able to make and receive free
local and long distance calls anywhere in the U.S. and Canada for only $19.95 a
year!
Well, you want to know something? Despite this sickly, slick
ad piece, the darn thing works, and in fact, works quite well! (There I added my
own exclamation point.)
You just plug this Zippo lighter-size thingamajig into one of
your computer’s (PC or Mac) USB ports. It’ll self-install and walk you through
the registration process so you can select your very own phone number (in the
future, you’ll be able to convert your existing phone number, if you wish). You
plug a telephone into the magicJack (or better yet, plug in a cordless telephone
base so you can use telephone handsets all over the house). Pick up the
receiver…and darn it! If there’s not a dial tone ready and waiting.
(Incidentally, a fast Internet connection is required.)
The magicJack (www.majicjack.com)
costs you $40—$20 for the device and $20 for your first year of unlimited
telephone calls. It comes with all sorts of free extras like voice mail and
directory assistance. Yes, you’ll have to leave your computer on in order to
make and receive phone calls, but you sure can’t beat magicJack’s simplicity and
price. I heartily recommend it! That’s right, I do!!
This is Larry Schneider, logging off.
